Etiquette in All Things

AMY VANDERBILT COMPLETE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE: 50^th Anniversary                  

By: Nancy Tuckerman & Nancy Dunnan                       5 Stars

I grew up in a small town and when teenagers came close to a decent dating age the neighborhood would put together an etiquette dinner to help properly prepare us. Unfortunately, this dinner was never a walk in the park. Sure there were tea light candles to try and build the mood for an actual date. They would have beautiful table clothes and correct dinner plate settings. We were then expected to figure out how to use the place settings in the correct manner all while we remained prim and proper while indulging ourselves in spaghetti.

That is right, spaghetti. I know what you are thinking. How are we supposed to remain posed and clean while we are eating this messy dish?  Well, it was no easy feat. In fact I am sure that many of us failed miserably in our attempt to keep sauce off our chins and clothing. Plus we had to remember not to slurp our noodles such as we have done since childhood. When exactly did that stop being cute anyway? I don’t remember if we had spoons to twirl our noodles for less mess. If we did then none of us hick-ish people were actual masters at such a task.

Either way, we learned a lot that night and over the years I probably still don’t know the proper etiquette for a date. In fact I am pretty sure I inhale my food much the same way Ross Gellar did while growing up with his sister Monica. How else is a busy American expected to eat? Never fear. I picked up the Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette in order to solve my problems. This War and Peace sized book covers multiple topics, yet it is still incomplete. Sadly, it does not include information on how to properly eat spaghetti on a date, but it does cover similar topics in a roundabout way.

The book is composed of eight chapters. These chapters are broken into subjects that require everyday attention and subjects that only deal with special occasions, such as a wedding. The most helpful chapters were the ones dealing with private and personal lives. I am sure you are thinking that etiquette is only suited to people like royalty in England. You might be surprised, as I was, to find that this book contains information on naming your child, dealing with hand-me-downs, nannies, teaching children about money for various age ranges, helping with siblings and dealing with teenagers need for space.

Other details are given such as preserving family history, how to handle divorce or the loss of a spouse, the role of the guest as well as the role of a host, even your appearance. Many ladies will be happy to know that the book tells you to get a professional pedicure once a month. Tell your husband you are only following proper etiquette and see what happens.

Information is found for tipping and who to actually tip as well as suggestions for television and radio appearances. The professional life section is almost a mirror image of other books on resume writing, interviewing and following up with the interview. It was well done. Some pleasantly surprising information came in the form of lists. These lists include a guest room or bathroom amenities or suggested presents to give based on your relationship to an individual who is getting married.

My least favorite part was in the communication section. It explains that “have a nice day” is really an insincere way of saying goodbye. Excuse me? I say that to lots of people every day and sincerely hope they do have a nice day. Hmm, I might have to find something else to say.  My most favorite part came in the form of questions that should not be asked, such as someone’s age. The best one was asking an individual if they have had cosmetic surgery. Come on, we all noticed something got bigger (or smaller) and we are all dying to hear what excuse you will come up with. It is suggested that instead you mention that a person looks great and remark that they must have been on some fabulous vacation. Fine, I’ll think about it, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t want to hear the story about the botched surgeries!